It's Raining Letters!

I've been running the gamut of emotions lately; No, it's not a relapse of Capgrass Syndrome - although I have been keeping an eye on Maximillian and his feeble excuses lately - it's because of the mountains of mail I've been receiving!

Hymie Goldberg writes:
"Pearly really should get that mole checked."
I think that Mr. Goldberg is referring to the picture of the ill fated tribute band "Zed Leppelin" (Norv's idea of a play on words) and the spot on Pearly's lip:

That's not a mole; it's cricket residue. I've been trying to help Pearly break his addiction to the little critters ever since his "days of wine and rose bulbs" with his Badger lover, Leona. He had secretly popped a few in his mouth before the shot was taken.
Here's a curious letter from a Lady Lacrecia Wynters:
"My what lively discussions y'all are having.
As no one has the nerve to tell y'all it will be left to me to be the bearer of bad news. After careful examination I must say that there is something terribly wrong with all y'all. Every last one of you has way too much time on their hands.
This is shameful!
Please for the love of mankind run to your nearest community college and enroll in a program which will cure your idleness."
Lady Winters has given us clues as to her origins and character. Her consistent use of the term "y'all" tells us that she's from Hollywood! Any serious student of the human condition knows that the term "y'all" is common in cowboy movies and they all come from Hollywood! The next conclusion we come to is that she's probably extremely old since really old people are constantly sticking their noses in other people's business,
and finally, I've concluded that she's a woman since she has "lady" in front of her name.
I must disagree with the spirit of this letter. Everyone here in Angus Hat (except for the invalids and shut-ins) is very busy! When I'm not answering palaverous missives, I'm occupied with the craft my father, Vilhelm King of the Hobos, handed down to me:
The art of sausage making!

Pearly spends many hours every day clawing out his elaborate symbols for the extraterrestrial landing field he's preparing. We've offered him pics and shovels but he isists on using his oversized fingernails exclusively!
Lem runs his filling station during the day and then spends most evenings working in his organic chemistry lab. He cut the top off a large propane tank and began mixing together all kinds of natural ingredients in the hope of finding a cure for death.
Lem was told about the theory of evolution and he figured that he could create his own form of life by allowing various organic ingredients to "stew" together over a long period of time. He stands there, night after night, stirring his Darwinian soup, occasionally tossing in tree bark, pine cones, grass, barnacles, squirrels, radium, cloves, etc.,etc.
Norv is the inventor of our group; he's hand built an entire hospital, fully equipped, outside of town, from pictures he saw in a magazine! Defibrillators, Xray machines, EKG machines and more - some of them are even electrically powered!
Maximillian spend all his time as our point man for Paranormal investigations, so he's always out in the woods or in the fields, on the Sasquatch pole or cleaning up the UFO pit from the last close encounter:

The hardest working man in Angus Hat has to be our mayor, Moroni Purvis. He spends the whole week sitting in front of the General Store, watching the town - just watching. He wants to make sure there's no trouble. He never take his eyes off Main Street. He doesn't even blink. He doesn't respond to questions. You can go over in the middle of the night and there he is, expression unchanged, just staring. What a Man!

I hope this dispells any notion that we live empty, pointless lives here in Angus Hat!
Well, gotta go - those sausages aren't going to stuff themselves!
Keep on travellin'!
Blitz