THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST

TRAVELS
with Blitz Krutthammer

THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST

Who’s up for some undersea fun? I know I am!
Apart from dark thoughts of death and despair, November is usually my month to plan a trip for some outdoor activity in a tropical setting.
I’d like to think of myself as an accomplished diver- or frogman, as the British calls’ em! Once you’ve bought your diving equipment (your local Walmart has great prices!) your thoughts go to location; where to go?
Keeping in mind that it’s November here in Canada and the icy fingers of winter are scratching my bald spot, I imediately think of the Pacific Northwest and it’s balmy clime.
I’ll make Spokane my headquarters since it’s sunny beaches are a haven for fellow frogmen and “hodads” in their souped up hotrods. I love the idea of languishing on the beach sipping a Henry Wallbugger and watching life pass me by.
But there’s more to the Northwest than sunshine and palm trees!
Since Washington and Oregon have been settled for nine
hundred years or so (some say the Hermaphrodites of the book of Mormon had built giant walled cities just outside of Seattle and Portland) there are many points of interest and historical sites:
Plantation tours are popular; you can visit the stately homes and grounds of the rich plantation owners who grew Oregano (that’s how the state got it’s name) and harvested salmon through the use of slaves who were brought in on barges from nearby Okinawa. There’s also a Volcano you can visit that erupts every hour on the hour!
I can’t wait to visit the Plaster museum that houses the world’s largest collection of plasters - Mustard Plasters of all kinds and even an actual piece of Parisian plaster that was the kind eaten by the poor before the Sexual Revolution in France.
But more history later! My focus will be on diving! Since the Bermuda triangle is just off the coast, the area is rich in wrecks and treasures. I’ve been told that there is an abundance of barnacles and that if you stand on a high point underwater you can see fields of them for miles around. I can’t wait to jump in and explore the ocean bottom. We have to watch out for hammerhead sharks and narwhals that roam the waters. They have a unique symbiosis in that Hammerheads can’t see in front of them and Narwhals have a pointy thing in front. Interesting.
After a tough day of underwater fun, there’s the night life! Seattle is only fifteen minutes from Spokane and as all you music historians know, it was the birthplace of Rock and Roll! Native son Chuck Berry recorded at the fabled Sun Studios there and the rest, as they say, is history! The club scene is legendary. There’s lots of alcohol and people in all the bars. There are Indian Casinos just outside of town for gambling and entertainment plus a free Curry buffet! (sorry, no beef).
But if night life in the city isn’t for you then maybe a Hiking Resort is what you’re looking for. It’s a well known specialty of the area; Hikers are treated to luxurious rooms with private spas and hot tubs. There’s usually a five star restaurant on the premises and each guest has a complimentary golf cart to go on the hiking trails with - just be careful you don’t run over Bigfoot!
Well, the ship is leaving in a few minutes so I guess I’ll have to board soon. Next stop: Undersea FUN!

Keep on travelling,

Blitz